2011. november 20., vasárnap

when I see him, my heart stops beatin'

yesterday.... was interesting and fucking great. in spite of the fact, that we were all cold as the Antartic, I could not even feel my toes, but does not matter. we could see or breath like a smoke cloud, but the penguin-effect sadly missed. :) the circle was amazing, all over with laughing idiots and crazy people. we had pointless chats, stood in the parking zone; we were watching the drunk and screaming people crossing the road, the infinite spinning of the city, Szolnok. we were listening to the hard dubstep and drum and bass, which were played from a car. everybody was chilled, it was a world, I have never experienced before, and everybody refused to understand that. this whole car stuff has some kind of ... magic, despite that I hardly understand what they are talking about. :) the noises, the smell of tires, the mood... amazing.
then we sat into a mcdonald's to warm up and stuff our empty stomaches. it was gorgeous! after standing hours in cold, feeling the icy wind in my face, to be surrounded by people I don't know, sincerely. I felt strange but not the way I do in school situations. yeah, I try to integrate again. to be like I was.
in those moments I felt great. it is strange, though, that I just think that. I felt that. nobody could tell my why is it.. it is just in me.
i don't fucking know what to do.
what should I do? listen to my crazy heart and hit my face again...
or believe my brain, who is always thinking?
I don't like risks.


FUCK.  
 and  the week begins again.
a holy crap, to be one of the  lost people, to lose myself again.
omg, I just wanna save myself.
yes, I am selfish. but it helps sometimes.

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