2013. február 20., szerda

And we just go in circles

Friday night made me forget everything. Who I am, what I supposed to do, or not, what I should belive, or whether I need to care. I was released, became totally crazy, my emotions came out of control. I did what I wanted, while I was drinking, drinking, and drinking. (Too much drinking then killed my brain cells, but that's an other story) Stupid things were committed, without any kind of regret, yes, I was a fool, who went astray, but who cares? Sometimes you have to get rid of your struggles and worries, release your pain and deal with only yourself, say fuck you to the world.
At least at that time everything was in order and  went the way I wanted (for a while, till vodka interrupted.) Most importantly - I didn't think, I just lived. And this was what I actually wanted through the whole time.
Life is so much better when there is no consequence of what you do.

What a shame we all became
So fragile broken strings
A memory remains
Just a  tiny spark

Now I am sitting in my room desperately and the world is fading. Constant sadness plays the role in the everyday happenings. Sometimes it is hidden with laughs temporaly, but unfortunately, just for a little interval. I am always thinking and making theories. It relieves me for a while, but after that I wake up and realize, these are only dreams which won't come true, and I am only in the average, disappointing, lethargic present. I would be able to give everything in order to make it gone. I want to be even-minded, evaluated, happy and full again.
No matter how many days pass, I can't seem to get over, I am stucked on a place where my soul tries to find its lost other half. 
So fucking tragic.
But it is the sad truth - that everything what happened can not influence my views.
I miss that asshole with all my heart.

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