Life goes on. At least it tries. I should respect its persistence. But unfortunately mine has gone away somewhere.
Days and nights are all the same - I am trying to focus on unnecessary things and distract my thoughts from him. (It's another issue that it hasn't worked yet.) My big monolouge from yesterday has not brought any success. I should have known that.
I realized what is the most sorrowful part of my current life - being unloved. I need someone (of course, him) next to me. I need hugs, kisses, funny stories, laugh, cuddling. I miss everything we did. Being alone is not for me, if I do not feel that I belong to somebody. It is a funny feeling. I remember, this time two weeks ago we were sitting together in my bed and watching some buggy film in the TV.
And now, I feel that I am completely alone.
I wish that situation to be ended. I want to be happy, carefee and loved again.
If only it would be easier.
Szilvi said something that stucked in my head. She has the point: I like watching sad and soul touching films. Then I feel like their destiny and life are much worse than mine. And then I'm glad.
I am going to write again. I will create my own old world for myself, where I could be God and my main character at the same time. Where those things happen I want.
Just to forget my life a little bit.
You can be sure, I will build myself up. But before being full again I need some time to recover and heal my scars on my heart. But then, I will be strong and smile broadly.